Do you ever find yourself indulging in a steamy fantasy with Fifty-Shades as you lie in the bathtub or watching a couple in the first throws of romance interacting nearby – causing you to wonder where the spark went in your own relationship? In the modern world, it is all too easy to lose the sense of passion and connection you once felt in your relationship. As life hurtles on, your time increasingly becomes taken up with the demands of your career or your family. Even without any such distractions – it is natural for chemistry to fade; this is just how our bodies and brains work. The effect is only heightened by any dissatisfaction you feel with your relationship or significant other.
As impossible as it may seem, all is not lost. The following threefold strategy is a powerful tool that will enable you to regain an incredible level of intimacy with your partner.
- Forgive and let go
The first step is to practice gratitude, forgiveness and unconditional love. One of the biggest obstacles to intimacy is blame. Over time, it is likely that you have collected and clung on to numerous hurts for which you blame your partner. You need to let these go. Think about everything that you value about your partner. This may seem difficult at first, as our brains are wired to recognize and recall negative experiences far more easily than positive ones. As you focus on your partner’s good traits though, the things you appreciate will start to seem less trivial. Whenever you experience a negative thought about your partner try to ‘take in the good.’ To do this, hold the negative thought in your mind as you take several deep breaths, with each one imagining your heart growing bigger and gratitude for something positive infusing the way you feel. In a small amount of time, you should find that you feel a greater connection to your partner.
- Practice radical self-care.
If you do not feel sexy – it is your job to do something about this. In the same way that you have been practicing love and gratitude towards your partner, you should start to do this for yourself. Forgive yourself for any aspect in which you find yourself lacking and cut yourself some slack. Eat well, sleep enough, exercise and take time to do the things you love. Try to show yourself all the love and forgiveness you would give to a child in your care. As you begin to feel genuine gratitude and goodwill towards your partner and yourself – you will also grow in confidence. Your confidence will show, and we all know that confidence is sexy.
- Reconnect and get creative
As your connection develops – you will find yourself open to trying new things together and there is no better place to open up to new experiences than the bedroom. Creating exciting scenarios is far more effective than aiming to stage romance. Our brains work backwards; we feel the physical responses first and then our rational minds attribute causes. This means that if you do something that excites you in the company of your partner, your brain is likely to attribute this excitement to being with them. Romance is soft and relaxing. You need to get your adrenaline pumping. Start simple, perhaps by dressing up in sexy lingerie or nipple tassels and performing a striptease. Experimenting with new positions, watching porn together or engaging in light spanking are all possibilities that will get your heart racing.
Through following these steps to cultivate a new perspective of gratitude, you will feel more confident, sexy and fulfilled. Your partner may not know what has changed, but it is almost impossible that they will not respond and a new trust will grow between you. Building excitement on this foundation of trust can be like discovering each other for the first time all over again.